Ref: Child Development Institute
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我們和孩子的講話方式， 對孩子的學習能力有很大的影響。 我們和他們說話及周遭的人在在示範我們想要他們對我們的說話方式。 通池， 有三種父母和孩子溝通的方式， 一、 侵略性， 這些家長常大聲嚷嚷， 用攻擊性字眼讓孩子們沮喪。 他們孩子會有許多不同的反應， 主要會變得更頑皮、 感到害怕、 甚至大聲嚷嚷回去與持續性的忽略大人的指令。 二、 被動式， 通常這些父母會輕聲抱怨、 注意字眼和語調， 卻發現孩子會整個亂到不行。 不幸的是， 這些父母是如此被動到有時候他們會到瓶頸， 然後突然轉變成侵略性語調的溝通方式。 三、 果斷式， 截至目前為止最為有效的溝通方式。 這個方式是堅定的、 一致性的、 清楚的、 正面的、 溫馨的及有信心的。 這個溝通方式真的是一個技巧，而且示範給孩子看爸媽知道他們在做什麼並會傾聽。
這裡有前十種改善和孩子的溝通方式：
一、 用孩子的名字， 你自己的名字有如你耳朵的音樂， 我們的孩子是一樣的， 且那還幫助獲得他們在你傳達訊息前的注意力。 例如說：「 喬治， 請去拿...... 」 年紀輕一點的孩子常常一個時間裡只專注於一件事， 叫孩子的名字直到你獲得他們的注意力。 例如： 「海倫... (等到她停止踢球， 並看著你。) 午餐會在十分鐘準備好。」
二、 使用正面的語言， 試著一直不要說 『不』 或者 『不要』。 反之， 試著說你要他們做的事。 正向和寬容的字眼給你的孩子較多自信， 使他們感覺快樂點、 幫助他們表現更好、 鼓勵他們更努力並成功完成事情。 他們學著模仿你， 和給予相同的尊重和讚美他人。
三、 和孩子有眼神接觸， 你也許需要開始認真對待他們或是站在他們的角度看事情。 當你和孩子交談時， 這表示他們也應該會跟著做。 不僅僅是一個好的規矩， 還會幫助你們聆聽彼此。 說孩子的名字直到你和她們眼神交會， 尤其在給他們指示之前。 孩子給予注意力是很重要的， 你應該做一樣的行為典範。
四、 使用適當的音量， 老師總是試著對著孩子大聲叫喊， 那真是一場夢靨！ 同樣的， 在家也是， 不要和孩子比大聲。 當他們靜下來時， 才和他們說話。 如果你多用適當的聲量， 在緊急時才提高音量， 那就不會被忽略。 他們會坐下來注意聽， 因為那並不是常常發生。
五、 選擇的建議， 當你想要孩子和你合作， 如果他們懂得為什麼需要做事情及如何做對他們有利， 那會來的簡單點。 他們需要知道聽從你的指令的重要性。
六、 保持簡單， 年紀較輕的孩子對於一次接收很多指示會有困難。 我們可能會聯想到， 當我們尋求一個地點的指示， 以及連續提出一堆我們一會兒就會遺忘的問題。
七、 遠離嘮叨， 試著設定一個孩子知道所預期的時間。
八、 示範及期許好的規矩， 在家或是任何地方好的規矩不該是選擇性的。 如果你示範好的規矩給孩子及其他人看， 他們會知道好的規矩是在預期內的事， 並要表現一致。
九、 溫和但堅定， 如果你對某些事做了決定， 必須要很堅定。 確定你和你的另一半同意在一論點上， 並對你們的決定一致。
十、 問開放式的問題， 如果你要孩子多想或是打開心胸， 你必須問他們開放性的問題。 那就是， 不是只有簡單 「是」 或 「不是」 答案的問題， 他們被請求說得更多以及分享他們的想法和感受。
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The WAY we talk to our kids has a huge impact on their learning and ability to listen to us. The way we speak to them and those around us is showing them how we want them to speak back to us. There are generally three different ways that parents communicate with their kids. The first one is in an aggressive way. These parents yell a lot, put their kids down and use attacking words. Their children respond in many different ways, mainly by playing up a lot more, feeling fearful, yelling back and ignoring their parents' constant orders. The second form of communication commonly seen is a passive form. These parents mutter soft, cautious words and tones to their kids finding that they run riot and walk all over them. Unfortunately these parents are so passive that sometimes when they are pushed to their limits, they suddenly turn their communication into an aggressive tone. Lastly the third way that parents can communicate with their kids is in an assertive way. It has found to be by far the most effective way to communicate with kids at all levels. An assertive way of communicating is firm, consistent, clear, positive, warm and confident. Communicating with kids in an assertive way is a real skill yet it shows your kids that mum and dad know what they're going on about and to listen.
Here are 10 top tips for improving the WAY we talk to our kids:
1.Use your child's name. Your own name is music to your ears. Our kids are no different, plus it helps to get their attention before delivering your message. eg "George, please go and get……..". Young children can often only concentrate on one thing at a time. Call your child's name until you have their attention before you speak. Eg "Helen". (Wait until she stops kicking the ball and look
s at you.) "Lunch will be ready in ten minutes".
2.Use positive language – try not to being saying "no" or "don't" all of the time. Instead, try to word what you want them to do. Positive and kind words give your child more confidence, makes them feel happier, helps them behave better, encourages them to try hard and achieve success. They learn to imitate you and deliver the same respect and praise to others.
3.Connect with your child with eye contact. You may need to get down to their level or sit at the table with them. When you are chatting with your kids, this shows them also what they should do. Not only is it good manners, it helps you to listen to each other.
Say your child's name until you get their eye contact, especially before giving them a direction. It is important that they give you their attention, and you should model the same behaviour for them.
4.Use volume appropriately – The teacher was always trying to yell over the noise of the kids, what a nightmare!
The same applies for at home, don't ever compete with a yelling child. When they have calmed down, then talk. If you use the volume of your voice appropriately for the majority of the time, raising your voice in an urgent situation should not be ignored. They will sit up and take notice because it doesn't happen all of the time.
5. Suggest options and alternatives – When you want your kids to cooperate with you, it is far easier if they can understand why they need them to do something and how it is to their advantage to do so. They need to see the importance of following your directions.
6. Keep it simple – Young kids have trouble following too many directions given at once. We can probably relate to that when we ask someone for directions to a destination and are bombarded with instructions we later forget.
7. Keep away from nagging – Try to set a time where kids know what is expected.
8. Model and expect good manners – Good manners at home or anywhere shouldn't be optional. If you model good manners to your children and everyone else, they will see that good manners is expected and displayed on a consistent level.
9. Be gentle but firm – if you have made your decision about something, stick to it. Make sure you and your partner agree on the issue and stay united on your decision.
10. Ask open-ended questions - If you want to get your kids to think more and open their minds, you need to ask them open-ended questions. That is, questions that are not answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer. They are invited to say more, and share their ideas and feelings.