Ways To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen - 孩子會聽的說話方式 (下)

Submitted by Nicca on Tue, 10/04/2011 - 13:23

Ref: Child Development Institute

11. 確認理解程度, 如果你發現孩子沒有回應你的要求, 或是對於你的指示或對話感到困惑, 記得在你要提及下個主題時, 確認他們是懂的。

12. 以「我...」說明你想表達的訊息, 當你要求孩子做一些事情, 你若在說明你的想法或感覺時, 既出「我」訊息, 你會獲得好一點的回應。 這比你使用「你...」送出的訊息或命令來的有效。 那會讓孩子知道你對他們行為舉止的感受, 孩子有時候無法考慮到他的行為會如何影響其他人的感受。 使用這樣的策略, 也許幫助他們給予較多對他們行為的考量, 也對他們的行為改變更有責任感。

13. 事先預警, 如果你的孩子全神貫注在某件事或一個活動上, 是時候要他們轉移或離開。 給他們一些進一步的警示, 所以他們能夠習慣這樣的方式。

14. 探究為主的傾聽方式, 讓孩子看出他們有你全整的注意力, 你關心並願傾聽他們。 讀報紙、 吸地板和在電腦上工作都會打斷孩子獲得你完整的注意力。 如果你真的無法和他們說話, 千萬不要假裝你有在聽。 答應他們一個你能夠聽他們說話的時段, 確定有聽進去, 還有要以探究的方式來表現你對他們要說的話有興趣。

15. 找時間和孩子一對一對話, 如果你的孩子間有一個相當的年齡差異在, 這尤其重要。 有時候較年長的手足會說過較年幼的, 有時候較年幼的寧願讓年長的兄弟姊妹說話就好。

16. 不要為小事情焦慮, 盡一切辦法, 堅持你嚴格的規則, 但不要對小事過度焦躁。 如果爸媽嘗試著訓斥一堆小事, 孩子常會當成耳邊風。

17. 要體諒, 想想你和朋友說話的方式, 然後想想你對孩子說話的方式, 有一樣的體貼和語調嗎? 如果大人對他們孩子說話時, 像對朋友說話時給予多一些考量和想法, 和孩子間的關係會更美好。

18. 表現贊同, 不管有何差異性在, 當你對孩子表現你贊同並愛他們, 他們會較願意與你分享他們感受與問題。 他們會知道他們長大和改變, 不管怎樣, 你都會在他們身邊陪伴著。

19. 不要打岔, 當孩子在敘述一件事時, 試著不要嘮叨的打岔。 如果你轉移了他們的話題, 並花時間幫他們上一課, 孩子會不想和你分享他們的感受。

20. 優先和孩子對話, 舒服、開放式的對話有助於孩子發展自信心、 自尊、 和他人友好的關係、 和你之間的合作及溫和的關係。 盡力花時間及努力與孩子對話, 以促進你和他們的關係和溝通技巧。

記得, 和孩子說話是雙向的。 和他們說話的同時也傾聽他們。 傾聽和說是同等重要的。


11. Check for understanding – if you find that your child is not responding to your requests or getting confused by your instructions or conversations, remember to check for their understanding before moving on to the next topic.

12. Explain what you want with "I" messages – When asking your child to do something, you will receive a greater response by explaining what you want in terms of thoughts and feelings by sending "I messages". This is far more effective than using orders or sending "you messages". It lets your child know how their behavior makes you feel. Kids sometimes don't consider how their behaviour will affect others. By using this strategy, it may help them give more consideration to their actions and it gives them more responsibility to change their behavior.

13. Give notice – If your child is fully engrossed with something or an activity and it is time to move on or leave. Give them some advance warning so they get used to the idea.

14. Use enquiry-based listening – Show your kids that they have your full attention and you care enough to listen to them. Reading the paper, vacuuming and working on the computer are too distracting to give your kids your full attention. If you really cannot talk at that point, don't pretend to be listening. Promise them a time when you can listen and be sure to follow through. Show that you are interested in what they have to say by using inquiry based listening.

15. Make time for one-on-one conversations – This is especially important if there is quite an age gap between your kids. Sometimes older siblings talk over the top of the younger ones, and sometimes the younger ones just prefer to let the older siblings do all the talking.

16. Don't sweat the small stuff. By all means, enforce your serious rules firmly, but try not to sweat the small stuff. Often times kids will tune out from listening to their parents if they tend to lecture over little things a lot.

17. Be considerate. Think about the way that you talk to your friends. Then think about the way you speak to your kids. Is it with the same consideration and tone? More wonderful relationships with kids would develop if adults gave as much thought and consideration talking to their kids as they do when talking to their friends.

18. Show acceptance. When you show your kids that you accept and love them just the way they are despite their differences, they will be more likely to share their feelings and problems with you. They will know that as they grow and change, you will be there for them no matter what.

19. Don't interrupt. Try not to interrupt of scold your kids when they are telling you a story. Kids will lose interest in sharing their feelings with you if you shift away from their story and use the time to teach them a lesson.

20. Make conversation a priority with your kids. Open and comfortable communication with your kids develops confidence, self-esteem, good relationships with others, cooperation and warm relationships with you. Take the time and effort to foster your relationship and communication skills by talking with your kids as much as you can.

Remember that talking with kids is a two way street. Talk with them and then hear what they have to say. Listening is just as important as talking.